Monday, August 31, 2009

Today's Special

Not sure where my love for department store dummies and their after hour hijinks began, but I'm thinking it occurred somewhere around 1988 when Mannequin hit the regular rotation on HBO & when this show was at its peak on Nickelodeon...

Friday, August 28, 2009

Blood, Kinky Sex & the Teen-aged Vampire Mom

I just do NOT get it. I think the new obsession with sparkly, sex-crazed vampires is officially OUT. OF. CONTROL. I mean I get vampires, I LOVE vampires actually, but I do not get why, as of late, the bandwagon is seemingly chock full of those I would deem as VAMPIRE IMPOSTERS *

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

In truth, it may be completely unfair for me to make this statement since I have neither read the Twilight books nor seen the movie and have only attempted to view True Blood once (I'll get to why later). HOWEVER, I do know a bit about what goes down in both stories, the first being about a young girl who gets all swoony and starry eyed over an Undead prettier than a pegasus. They have this ongoing thing where she is torn between good/evil and in the end gets knocked up by said vampire (and although a fictional series I cannot help but have issues with the plausibility of this act) which all comes from a series of books directed towards CHILDREN and young adults. As you can tell, there are a few issues here which bother me. 1.) How exactly does one of the Undead inseminate a living human? and 2.) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me how this is appropriate content for the targeted audience of young pre-pubescent girls who are already inundated with age-inappropriateness via the Miley Cyrus' and Brat's dolls of our popular culture? I mean, is it such a good idea to put the idea of teen pregnancy as romantic refuge into the mind of an already highly hormonal young person? (According to my extensive research; i.e. yahoo answers and wiki, Bella, although married, is 18 in the final book and therefore very much a teenaged vampire mom. So I repeat, WTF?)

Ooooooooookay, onto True Blood. Let me just say that I was as excited as the next Vamp-O-Phile (yes, I AM a total loser) when the ads started running and word was spreading that this was the coolest new show, blah blah. Yeah, well first off, we don't have HBO anymore, we must have at one point though, maybe it was a free trial, ANYWAY we must have because we started watching the pilot episode right around the time it first aired. Now, I recall only half watching it, I think people were over and it was on in the background but I was definitely sitting on the couch and the TV was in front of me and within 20 minutes or so the show went from: I might be able to get into this. Louisiana Bayou locale? Check. Copious blood sucking? Check. Rampant Skin-emax worthy gratuitous sex action? Che-WAIT!!! Just wait one bloody second. What is this show about exactly? Then a wave of understanding washed over me. Oh ok, I get it, it's soft-core set to a vampy backdrop. Yeah, these vampires suck blood AND have sex! Well, how nice for them. I'm not Prudence McChaste or sexually repressed or anything but I just can't get with sex-having vampires. Also, I found what little I saw of the show to be kind of boring… SOR-RY.

I can't help that I am old school in this regard. I read all of the Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles and one of the first things you discover is vampires don't have sex, not because they wouldn't like to, they physically CAN-NOT. Which also means that vampires, preternatural creatures of the Undead variety, cannot impregnate anyone. Do you hear me Stephenie Meyer? Now I know, I KNOW, vampires are all make-believe but just follow along with me here for a moment while I try to make some sense out of the fictious and absurd. So the Anne Rice vamps are decidedly evil and blood-lusty. That's right, their lust manifests itself in the blood taking and its pursuit. It's abstract and veiled and subversive. There is even a particularly steamy scene in the book Pandora in which the title character, not yet "changed" meets up with her old lover, a newly made vampire, and attempts to get it on with him. He explains that her attempts are futile as his "member" too, is dead much like himself and they proceed to passionately bleed and feed. Personally, I prefer this type of imagery compared to the lurid visuals of flesh pounding on flesh a'la True Blood. If I wanted to see that, I'd just watch porn.

* I know I'm going to make like ZERO friends and most likely alienate the ones I currently have with this declaration but I'm sticking with my words. For now.

Filmic vampire portrayal I approve of:

Interview with the Vampire (Queen of the Damned - not so much, sorry Aaliyah R.I.P.)
Near Dark (first vamp flick I ever saw, left an indelible impression although the ending IS pretty cheesy)
Let The Right One In (possibly the BEST vampire movie I have ever seen)
30 Days of Night (the Bee will consistently change the channel to this movie everytime it's on the tube)
The Lost Boys (2 Coreys + a Sutherland = I'm sold.)
Dracula (Gary Oldman? Yes, please!)
Nosferatu: Phantom der Nacht (Kinski is the ultimate creep and I say that with the utmost fondness and love)
Blade (he's like Buffy only more badass bc he's 1/2 vamp)
What are some of YOUR favorites?

In a twist of the fates, I received the first season of True Blood (on Blu-ray, no less) as a gift just one day after this post was written. I have already begun to eat my words since yesterday we started watching and so far, so good! Still, I am not entirely sure if I am crazy-in-love with the characterization of the vamps in the show but I will admit that I am starting to wish I had HBO...

Friday, August 21, 2009

All Hot & Bothered

I'm feeling lazy today and distracted and needing to make some more progress on my book so what day better than today to write something relatively easy on the mind AND the eyes? It's also swelteringly hot here in NJ so it seemed appropriate to feature some of music's most smokin'-est chicks. These ladies all get an A for AWESOME.

Amanda Palmer

This woman is truly a Jane-of-all-Trades. She sings, she plays, she does performance art, she blogs! and she inspires fans with her originality and passion. She writes ridiculously honest content, she likes to get naked A LOT and she just DOES NOT care what you think about her.

Amy Winehouse

I know she's kind of the poster child for Hot Mess as of late but this nor any other unsavory trait of hers will stop me from loving the shit out of this girl. She is truly unique & beautiful and possibly the most talented vocalist I have ever had the pleasure to hear. She's sexy and a badass and is the person on this list most likely to cut a bitch.

Gwen Stefani

She has been my idol since the first time I saw the video for Spiderwebs. The bangs, the lips, the abs! That bitch! I'm envious and awed all at the same time. She has always had such a distinctive style and vocal delivery and I've been working for years to emulate her brand of cool. Plus, she has produced two of the cutest kids in the universe.

Jenny Lewis

I wish I had an OUNCE of this woman's talent. She produces some of the most clever, smart and heartfelt music I have ever heard. She has a voice like a kitten and a canary mated and the result was this gorgeous red-headed creature with a voice to put the mythical Sirens to shame. Only girl is real and I am J.E.A.L.O.U.S.

Meg White

Holy boobs, Batman! Meg, usually demure and the quieter of the duo which brought her to fame, is definitely a sexy music lady worthy of mention. Her drumming was one of the biggest inspirations for me to pick up the sticks and attempt to bang it out in a style like her own. Even Ray LaMontagne wrote an ode to her and it rocks:

It's Friday bitches! Let's take a moment to thank whomever for that fact…
Now.......... enjoy!!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Out Of This World

I LOVED this show. I'm well past age 13 at this point but I haven't given up hope that I'll get my time freezing ability, eventually. The idea of being half alien and loving it seems, well ALIEN, but I can remember being a kid and thinking if I could be a pretty blonde girl with the powers to gleep and teleport, then sign me up!