Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Devil Will Be Airbrushed

In lieu of having anything new, fresh or hip to offer the cool kids on the innernets, I present you with a never addressed letter that was written (almost one year from today) by yours truly to the one and only spectacularly talented and all around 1st rate genius, Brooke Hogan. This letter was constructed in response to the truly thoughtful and mind bending quote the Brook-enator spewed at a reporter when asked her feelings on the prospect of the USofA having a female President:

You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it's kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I'm so moody all the time, I know I couldn't be able to run a country, 'cause I'd be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?

Oh dear, sweet, pea-brained Brooke. You spout such wisdom, and it's like you don't even try! I liken you to a modern day Susan B. Anthony, rocketing the female sex to new heights of empowerment, what with your wholly inappropriate need to pole dance publicly in front of your father and gracing us with not only a contemporary musical masterpiece, but allowing us to view the true work of art which is the album cover.


Let us pray...

Dear Brooke,

Lately I have been reading about your disinterest in voting for a candidate in our upcoming Presidential election. Typically I would find this assertion abhorrent and completely irresponsible, but in this particular instance, I fully support your choice to abstain.

PLEASE, I beg of you, DO NOT vote if you have no idea what is going on in the country that you reside. PLEASE, do not subject our nation to any further damage by casting a ballot out of blind ignorance. We do not need another term of misguided rule sponsored by the union of a complacently unaware America.

I feel very sorry for you and your indifference towards your personal right & responsibility to vote that many have fought so tirelessly to obtain for you and the rest of the citizens of our country. It seems a shame that in a modern, supposedly forward thinking culture such as ours that someone, like you, chooses to live in simple oblivion.

Do yourself a favor, pick up a book or read a paper (you could do as little as open up the main page on AOL to obtain even the most basic news information pertaining to the world we live in) and stop making such a fool of yourself.

Why do I bother spending my time writing this? Perhaps I was once as careless as yourself; maybe I just want the world to be a better and more informed place and figured you were as good as any fool to attempt to reason with.

As the older sister of an 11 year old, I fear for her and the many other nubile young minds of America who may, so unwisely, look to you and the rest of the cele-brats as some sort of role model. Is intelligence passé in your circle of friends? If so, be a trendsetter (for once) and add “use brain” to your list of important things to do, you know, squeeze it in somewhere between “live off daddy’s fame 4-eva” and “check implants for leaks”.

So, when you sit at your computer to check your MySpace page and "Google" yourself for the day, I hope this letter will find you and you won't be so much offended as inspired to make a personal change.

Now go forth Brooke Hogan! Find some self respect and get a REAL life (preferably one that people won't laugh at.)

Best of luck!

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