Oh, Angie. You are in the news again (have you ever left?) and this time the poo is being flung all over your pretty face. Not that you are a stranger to this kind of thing but this might be just the kind of veritable shitstorm that you have worked so tirelessly to avoid these past few years. And girl, I don't know how you did it. What with out-and-out stealing a hugely famous woman's husband and in the front and center of the public eye no less. I guess adopting a small army of children and doing a ton of charitable work can make anyone come out smelling like a rose. And that's great, what you've done is great, the problem I have is the way you went about it. I think even you may be in over your head now.
I don't know about you, but I can remember when Ms. Jolie was anything but revered for her saintliness. Remember the brother on sister open mouthed kiss at the Oscars? Not really as big a deal as it was made out to be but WEIRD, right? Remember when she and then hubby B-Bob showed up to a red carpet event boasting how they had ravaged each other in the limo on the way over? C'mon people, gag with me now. Remember how she wore that creepy old turtle's dried blood as a necklace and she wouldn't let anyone touch it because it was just soooooooo symbolic? Yeah, even I was lost with that one and I pride myself on being left of center.
I began my Angie love affair after I first viewed Hackers sometime in the mid-90's which basically changed my outlook on physical human perfection. I'll admit she overpowered my senses like she does most everyone else and I'm not proud to say that I would often attempt to measure myself against her standard of beauty however destructive and altogether upsetting that proved to be. Unlike most hormonal teens I didn't want her so much as I wanted to be her. The face, the eyes, the lips, the rail thin yet curvy figure. What sort of devil-made deal did this bitch sign to get her hands on the full package? That's how it seemed anyway. Then I realized: The devil ain't no fool.
this thumbs for you! (because seriously, I don't want it)
All I'm trying to say is that Angelina is, as well as the rest of us, flawed. Perhaps not in the exact same ways that we are, but maybe just so. Look, even Megan Fox has a clubbed thumb (which is likely the least of her problems), but let us not overlook these imperfections since we all need to be reminded that even the most "blessed" aren't always without defect. However, Angie's issues seem to be mostly internal, since people seem to be most off put by her current "holier than thou" persona. As I said before, I think her message is a good one, my problem is with the delivery. I mean, I'm not fooled. She reeks of crazy. I can say this with conviction because I too, am crazy, and I can recognize a sister in psycho anywhere. She seems to be collecting children with such rapidity that it makes me wonder if she feels the need to go overboard in this way to negate her past missteps. It does seem awfully calculated, no?
Sort of like the way she is posing on these magazines:
mmmmmmmmmm, fingers taste GOOD!
Whatever though, I don't hate her. I kind of feel sorry for her actually. It must be quite a life to live when you are known as the world's most famous home wrecker. Even I was Team Aniston after that debacle. That being said, I miss the old Angie, with the bloodletting and devil-may-care 'tude. Now it seems like the only baddassery she puts out is on the screen and for her, that never-ending role is beyond tired. See: Gone In 60 Seconds, Tomb Raider (the first one), Tomb Raider (the other one), Taking Lives, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Wanted, etc…
She can still bring goodwill toward men and promote peace to the war-torn, I'm all for it. I just wish she didn't come off as so affected and soul-less while doing it.
Come to think of it, she's always seemed sort of taken with herself. Can you blame her?
[Psst! The answer is: YES]
R.I.P. to my favorite Angie era