This is also the first recap of anything I've ever attempted so…
This one goes out to you TiVo. Sorry if it sucks.
Let's get to it. Shall we?
In a last minute change of plans, the boys performed Tuesday night due to Crystal Bowersox being admitted to the hospital. My first thought was: Good one, Bowersox since I'm sure the guys were just thrilled at having their performances bumped up a night. Then I realized who Bowersox is, a.k.a. MY GIRL! She's been an early favorite of mine, so for that, i'll give her some slack.
First up, Michael Lynche, the drama club lovin-' footballin'- beefcake. He sings "It's a Man's Man's Man's World" by James Brown. Randy gives him a standing O. I thought he was good. Not standing O good, but what do I know?
Next, John Park sings "Gravity" by John Mayer. Oh, John. You are cute and I want to like you but, like last week, your singing is subpar and has the judges questioning how you got on this show in the first place. It's not helping your case any that you chose to sing a song by the most douche-tastic of musicians. You know it's bad when your rendition of this song has me wishin you were this loser:
Also, Kara = totally annoying and I'm left to wonder why her mic was taped so crudely to her chest tonight. Perhaps it better suited another choice of outfit but she changed right before taping into this Grecian Queen of Hairspray look.
NOT a fan
Casey James fails to woo the judges, lacking the amount of "dirt in the throat" to carry out "I Don't Want To Be" by Gavin DeGraw. I agree. Though he did send me to shred heaven with his guitar chops at the end of the song. I feel like this guy could be good if he was allowed to sing his own songs.
Hey Idol? There's an idea.
Kara disses herself by saying "We all got the memo. The cougar is a fan" and then proceeds to diss Casey saying that he "took 2 steps back" tonight. Which earns Kara double bitch points as well as a thumbs up from me for throwing in a thinly veiled Paula homage via the lyrics to "Opposites Attract".
Weird, Alex, weird.
He made an impression last week as being the sweet voiced guy with the nerves of a newborn kitten. This week he sings "Everybody Knows" by John Legend and nails it. Let it be known, this guy is my favorite. Even The Bee looked up from the laptop for more than a moment to catch a glimpse of one of the few noteworthy performances of the evening. Randy mentions something about liking his "package".
Around this time I wrote down: Kara's comments are completely baseless. I can't back this up with any example, except, if you're watching the same show that I am you know that I'm right.
Some not-so-witty barbs are exchanged between Simon and Ryan. Blah, blah, who cares.
Todric Hall sings "What's Love Got To Do With It (?)" by Tina Turner and it kind of sucks. He compares himself to Paula since both of them are singers/dancers which prompts American Idol's producers to run a clip of Paula from a recent season where she lip-syncs on stage. FAIL. The judges give conflicting critiques and then it starts to get awkward so I sneak off to the kitchen to eat the rest of the strawberry rhubarb pie in the fridge.
Now, I could be wrong, but I'm not really sure you want to publicize that you "rock a onesie" on TV but apparently Jermaine Sellers does that and more (or as he proved tonight, less). This evening he decides to rock a mole-hill hairdo + bowtie, singing "What's Goin On (?)" by Marvin Gaye.
Now I have to ask: Why would you choose a song by one of the smoothest singers of all time when you really don't have the voice for it?
He was uber breathy throughout the performance and left me feeling like I would get a sore throat if I had to continue listening to him. So no, not great. The judges agree with me.
Onto Andrew Garcia, an early favorite thanks to his Hollywood week acoustic rendition of Paula Abdul's "Straight Up". He sings "You Give Me Something" by James Morrison. Unlike the title of his chosen song, Andrew gives both the judges and audience - nothing. Even though I've never heard this song before, it's not hard to tell that his version isn't very good. No matter, I continue to like this guy. So do the judges.
When I first caught a glimpse of Aaron Kelly last week I shouted at the TV: Well, Helllllllooooo K.D. Lang! because, face it, boy looks just like her. I think they may have given him some highlights since last show to reduce the 'Lang' to his look but he'll always be K.D. to me. I started to feel bad that I got to calling him Lang so early on in the competition. He's just a kid after all, I'm not trying to be mean.
Seriously though, can you honestly tell me these two weren't separated at birth?
I even got some backup via a direct quote from the bee: There is no doubt about him looking like K.D. Lang.
Ok, I feel better having gotten that out of my system.
Somebody throws out a comparison to Justin Bieber.
Which leads me to this hot button question: What exactly is a Justin Bieber?
Tim Urban chooses the wildly popular "Come On Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson (yeah, no clue). This guy seems nice enough but I just don't get what the judges see in him. I think they are starting to forget as well. Also, I have now officially HAD IT with this stupid emo haircut. The only thing I really have to say about his performance is I'm pretty sure I heard him sing "fucking walk on water" during the first verse. Ellen's advice was as useless as my review of the song, telling Tim he'd be better off getting onto a show like "Glee". Well, I'm sure when he gets kicked off on Thursday night the producers of "Glee" will just be banging down his door. Thanks for nothing, Ellen. PS - Simon loved it. Go figure.
Last, and quite possibly least on my list for last night was Lee DeWyze who sang the most stupidly titled song in the history of the world: "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder. Ew. I detest everything about this song, especially the lyrics. I have crowned this guy as the David Cook-alike of Season 9 which is probably why the judges are loving him. I'm not getting what all the fuss is about.
So the show ends with a fizzle and we see Kara once again getting inappropriately close to Simon as he tries to give his final words of the evening.
That bitch is always in heat.
My picks to go home?
Tim & Todric, though John Park was pretty awful too.
Can't we send home all 3 and bring this guy back instead?
Check back tomorrow for the Ladies Recap!