It's fucking serious, yo.
There's only 6 people left so the drama is BROUGHT-EN.
This recap, on the other hand, is brought to you by keeping this shit brief because Shania Twain is the celeb mentor and that leaves me mostly wordless simply because I don't know much (or anything) about Ms. Twain save she's a Canadian who writes country music.
(sarcasm alert!)-----> Lucky for me, I get to hear the Idol hopefuls perform one of her chart SMASHING hits!
Tonight's show was a bit different than the usual because what really* caught my eye wasn't any one performance or Siobhan's wacky choice of dress. In fact, it didn't have much of anything to do with the aspiring Idols, but I'll get to that…
Lee DeWyze sings first with "You're Still The One"
He sounds a little stiff and forced in the beginning but by the middle of the song he seems to find his voice and things start to smooth themselves out.
Randy thinks he did a pretty good job. Ellen tells Lee that he "couldn't look cuter".
Lee DeWyze's face + 1 tiny adorable kitten head =
a GOB-zillion times more cuteness
Kara blathers on about how "relevant" he sounded and Simon tells him it looked like he was "pulling weird faces".
Michael Lynche is next with "It Only Hurts Me When I'm Breathing" a.k.a. we get it Shania, the pain is fucking powerful. This song title? Not so much.
I can't say much about this because I really can't get with this song. I've never heard anyone but 'Big Mike' sing it which makes me really hope he's not going home tomorrow night because then I'll have to hear it again. Ok, so he did hit a fucking sweet little falsetto at the end but that's what I call "too little, too late".
Ellen says it "felt like Luther Vandross", so that's… good. Kara felt "connected" and Simon called the performance "wet"? At this point you can hear the chirp-chirp-chirping of Hollywood crickets because no one has a god-damned clue what the hell Simon's going on about. He later goes on to define "wet" as both "the opposite of dry" and "feminine".
For the next act we have
The first thought that pops into my head is it sounds like he's got a turd rattling around in the back of his throat.
Why is it that so often when I think of Casey I draw a poop comparison?
A few weeks back I said his singing style reminded me of someone straining to push out a reluctant poo and now it's turds in the throat? That doesn't even make sense. No matter. I'm sticking with it. I obviously know nothing yet AGAIN because the judges are fudging their pants over him this week.
Both Randy & Ellen think it’s great and his best performance to date. Kara calls it "vulnerable & raw" and Simon recommends that Casey get up and give "'this one' [Shania Twain] a kiss on the lips" apparently for saving his ass this week with a decent song choice.
Casey all too eagerly obeys Simon's wishes and the two meet somewhere in the middle to exchange a HUG people. No spit was swapped, much to the chagrin of many (read: just Casey).
Crystal Bowersox takes on "No One Needs To Know"
She's a good singer.
She's an AWESOME singer but there is nothing about this performance that I'm really digging.
Imma blame Shania…
The general consensus from the judges is the same as my own so... I WIN!!!
The most interesting thing that goes on whilst Bowersox is on stage is after the performance when Ryan makes some strange hand signal that goes straight over my head and the camera cuts to a dude in the audience wearing a shirt in support of Crystal.
*What is the deal here, exactly?
Can anyone explain what the purpose of putting this goober-faced goofball on TV has anything to do with anything?
Didn't think so…
Aaron Kelly sings "You've Got a Way"
I think this whole mess is BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING and based on the reaction of the judges I also think it must be opposite day because they can't praise Aaron enough for his efforts.
Randy says he does a "really good job". Ellen & Kara agree and Simon tells Aaron it's like he's a different artist (this is a good thing) and that it was "sincere & believable".
Last, but not least (ok, possibly least), is Siobhan Magnus with "Any Man of Mine"
Immediately I think that Siobhan does not have the cultivated twang or, in this case "Twain" to carry this tune properly. Of course, no Siobhan performance would be complete without her signature banshee scree at the end. Though, in her defense, this week it did sound a bit more like a "yodel" than usual. So that's something.
I'm just realizing now that I completely forgot to write down ANYTHING the judges had to say in regard to her singing. Ok, that's a lie. I wrote down something Simon said about "screaming at the end" which I'm pretty sure was meant to be derisive. Hey, what do I care anyway? I didn't like it. 'Nuff said.
My pick to go home? You guessed it… Siobhan.
Though, given we're down to the wire with these kids and Siobhan is a weekly fan favorite it might finally be time to say adieu to
Oh YEAH. I almost forgot!
*I can't remember at what point in the show this gem of stage and screen appeared but she was on camera for like 10 minutes before someone decided her excessive eye contact was becoming too creepy.
I can't get enough of the eye-sexin'...