AND it's Idol Gives Back week.
Seriously, though. This is SERIOUS. Just ask these two:
I'm guessing Simon's vebal faux pas was his way of outting Idol Gives Back as a sham? He's become awfully cold blooded since he decided he was leaving the show.
Face it. He just don't GIVE a -you know what- about Idol anymore.
Alright, let's DO this...
This week the contestants must select an "Inspirational Song".
Casey James starts off the show with "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac.
No, Casey. DO stop. This is unbearable.
My first thoughts were that it looked like he was gonna blow a gasket or pop a tire with how red and strained his face seemed to be during the entire performance.
That can't be good for you.
The judges give lukewarm reviews bordering on the crappy. Ellen doesn't think anyone will talk about his performance tomorrow. She's both right AND wrong with this statement.
I'm talking, it's just nothing good.
In Lee DeWyze's fight with "The Boxer" by Simon & Garfunkel I think it's safe to say that he wins. (Yeah, that's just a taste of my comic genius, btw. Got LOTS more where that came from...)
The judges are all but bowing at his feet calling it "Sincere" "Emotional" "Inspirational" and "Absolutely Brilliant".
So there you have it.
Personally, I thought it was a little disappointing simple because the ORIGINAL song is so perfect the way it is that changing it just feels dirty, ya know?
Whatever. Lee's in it to win it, yo.
Next, Tim Urban sings "Better Days" by the Goo Goo Dolls a.k.a. Shoot Me NOW.
This is really bad, ok? Beside the fact that it's a GOO GOO DOLLS song, this is really terrible.
Randy says it was like "ok/good karaoke" and Ellen tells Tim that this week she "does not like the soup".
Makes perfect sense, no?
Kara and Simon deliver similar news.
The Idol gods may have FINALLY heard my prayers...
Ok, Aaron Kelly looks... different. Somebody needs to tell them to leave that boy alone. He's fine. Stop messing with his hair. I feel like I may be at fault for this.
Aaron sings "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly which just makes me feel icky all over. Though I think that happens to most people when they hear the name R. Kelly.
Soooooooooo, Aaron Kelly/R. Kelly? I call scandal; they are obviously related. Your mind is blown, isn't it? Take that US Weekly. I can publish my OWN unverified celeb exclusives.
I think the performance is just a'ight. The judges seem like they are being overly nice with their critiques. Simon is the only one who dares to be honest and tells him it's not great.
We should be moving onto Siobhan "The Forest Nymph" Magnus with "When You Believe" by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston, but FIRST...
Alicia Keys is FREAKY, yo.
In her mentoring session, A.K. tells Siobhan that she needs to "milk that money spot" which, when using my "clean" brain, I'm thinking means that she should really showcase her highest falsetto/whatever voice a'la Adam Lambert at the end of the song like she ALWAYS does.
However, I see a picture like this:
accompanied by the words "milk that money spot" and my "dirty" brain immediately takes over.
There is no doubt that Siobhan sings her heart out but it fails to impress the judges. Kara thinks she was, once again, "over-dramatic" and gives us these words of wisdom:
Watching you from week to week makes me want to hang out with you more than buy your record because I still don't know who you are.The fuck, Kara? Nobody really knows who YOU are and yet YOU have a spot on an
Whatever, I didn't like the performance either but I'm not looking to make the girl feel like crap.
Up next is Michael Lynche with "Hero" by Chad Kroeger a.k.a. I'm just gonna bite my tongue with this one...
No. Seriously. I was always told if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.
I don't always follow that rule, but right now I am, so there.
For the last performance of the evening we have Crystal Bowersox with "People Get Ready" by The Impressions.
Everyone is making a super huge deal about her hitting the stage sans instrumental "crutch". I guess it's a big deal but you wouldn't really know it because she sounds as good as ever. The song is so emotionally charged for her that she breaks into body wracking sobs so much so that she can't really finish the end of the song.
The judges love it and Simon says, for the first time of the evening, that the song was "Inspirational".
My pick to go home? Casey
(though, I shall continue to not-so-secretly route for the swift demise of Tim)