Wednesday, April 7, 2010

American Idol Recap! Top 9 Finalists

It gives me great pleasure to report that this evening the contestants tackled the Lennon/McCartney songbook.

This may completely blow your mind, especially if you've been following my recaps but I actually, for the most part, enjoyed the performances.

I know. What is happening?

Maybe it has more to do with the extreme level of suck the performances have been reaching in the past few weeks that in comparison anything is going to sound better. Still, I think the performances were a vast improvement over recent blunders.

Most of the performances anyway. Some continued to provide unnecessary exercise for my eyeballs.
We'll get to that in a minute…

First up!

Aaron Kelly Lang with "The Long and Winding Road"

Is it just me or is he aging in front of our eyes? Every week he seems a little more packaged and polished. I guess he really doesn’t appreciate mine and America's celeb look-a-like comparisons. The singing isn't terrible by any means, it's just not really anything, ya know? Whatever. I still like his cute ass though I think he's gonna need to step up his game if he wants to finish anywhere near the top 3.

Randy calls it sleepy. Ellen refers to it as "the long and winding song". Kara has to remind him to speak into the mic when he's onstage and then Simon has to tell him the same thing again except this time he throws in a "sweetie" for good measure. All in all, not a favorite of the judges.

Katie Stevens sings "Let It Be" and I am immediately taken with what seems to be a strange choice of outfit for such a serious song. She looks adorable and has clearly gotten the memo about dressing her age but was hot pink and a poof the best match for a song about spiritual guidance?

Sorry I'm clearly too picky about wardrobe but as we all know, AI is not just about the singing.

Or at all.

I think Katie is very talented but her rendition of this song is depressing the shit out of me. The judges disagree with me completely because they are freaking the fuck OUT over how amazing they think it was.

Good for her.

What the hell do I know anyway? NOTHING.

Andrew Garcia is next with "Can't Buy Me Love".

He performs in the strange backwards fashion that Big Mike did last week. Within moments of his singing I can tell you right now that I DOES NOT LIKE THIS. He sounds flat and warble-y and I think this is the wrong song for him entirely.

The good news? He is full-on rockin' a Buddy Holly vibe complete with pompadour.

So, that's something

Randy calls it "corny" and Simon agrees adding "irrelevant" to his critique. The only one who seems to like it is Ellen and really what does that mean anyway? NOTHING.

For the smooooooooooooth jazz portion of the show we have Michael Lynche performing "Eleanor Rigby". He chose the song because it was something he used to sing in church choir.

Or something.

I can't really remember. I don't do as well with these recaps when the contestants are actually good.

Anyway, I really like it and I'm loving his look this evening which means someone finally had the good sense to dress him in something not entirely unflattering. Like a brown velveteen sport coat.

Randy says he "loves seeing the artist in you blossom" which is a good thing but also kind of a weird way to put it. The ladies LOVE it but Simon has to play the kill joy by calling it "old fashioned".

Just for shits and giggles, I wanted to share this screen-shot with you:

you're welcome...

With Crystal Bowersox strapped back into her guitar, things look promising for her choice of "Come Together".

Hey, guess what?

I made up a word!


It's like spec-tacular only with more 'spronk' and less 'spec' and although 'spronk' doesn't technically mean anything it's waaaaaaaaaaaaay better than anything that would start with 'spec'.

So there you go. Use it wisely.

So, spronktacular was made with ol' Bowersox in mind which is still pretty fitting even if I wouldn’t really consider this performance "full of spronk".

It was a'ight. Just not "spronk worthy"

It did, however, have a completely absurd and unnecessary use of an instrument Didgeridoo.

Randy agrees with me while the other judges obviously feel Crystal can do no wrong and give her nothing but praise.

Can't we just call it a day with this season already and get on with crowning this girl Miss Idol 2010?

If you thought I was gonna continue on my crusade of ripping open a series of new assholes for Tim Urban each week you might just wanna turn around and go home.

In a strange twist of fate I found myself actually liking his version of "All My Lovin'".
It's one of my favorite Beatles songs so that didn't hurt and, just kill me now for saying this, he didn't make me want to shove flaming hot torches of melty-faced death into my eye and ear-holes.

In fact, he actually looked kind of cute with his flat-ironed mop top.

If I spontaneously burst into flames in the next few minutes it will be completely understandable after writing that last sentence.

Randy takes a hearty dump in Tim's face by saying that "it was good... for a Tim performance".


Simon has nothing but praise and tells Tim that he's "very, very proud of him".

What is going on tonight?!

Casey James sings "Jealous Guy" which, btw, is one of my all time fav-O-rite John Lennon tunes of, like, ever. Casey is SOOOOOOOOOOPER emo tonight. I feel like maybe we shouldn’t all be watching this while he has what seems to be a very private moment with this song. It's good in like a really weird and uncomfortable way so maybe that makes it kind of not good?

The judges love it and Simon calls it the best of the night.


Can someone tell me WHAT in the Leather Bo-Peep hell is Siobhan wearing?

It is, arguably, a step above the mess she wore last week, but really? Are those white Doc Martens?


Alright, so Siobhan Magnus sings "Across the Universe" which is yet another song I adore but I honestly have no clue what she's doing up there. I hate this affected way that she is singing. It's really really creeping me out and making me wonder if she didn't have a partial lobotomy since last week's show. She has an amazing ability to control her voice but I can-NOT stand this performance.

The judges have mixed thoughts but the general consensus is that it's "confusing".

TOTES agree.

For the last performance of the night we have Lee DeWyze with "Hey Jude", a song I would probably put in my top 10 favorite songs of all time.
Something weird has to be going on tonight because I kind of like this too.

I blame the Beatles.

They made it really hard to hate any song of theirs, except maybe Yellow Submarine because, GAH!

Wait, are those bagpipes coming down the stairs?

Ha! How out of place is this guy?

The judges generally like it but totally rip apart the bag-piper which I think is kind of rude. Dude is just doing his job. It was Lee's crappy idea.

Recap, over!


My pick to go home?

Considering those who usually suck did not and those who usually shine, fell flat, this is really anyone's game.

How-ever, I'm gonna suggest Andrew Garcia start packing his bags.

Til next week, bitches...

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