Wednesday, April 14, 2010

American Idol Recap! Top 9 Finalists AGAIN!!!

That's right.

We still have 9 contestants.


Last week Michael Lynche's sweet ass was saved by the judges with their "free pass for future humiliation".

How nice of them. Now we get to re-live last week's show only in less time which (as proven later in the show) is slightly problematic.

Seriously though, I'm glad he got another chance because we alllllllllllllll know who should have REALLY gone home last week *cough*andygarcia*cough*

Well, fear not. I have a sneaking suspicion his tenure on the show is about to expire.
Like, for REAL this time.

So this recap is gonna have to be brief. I'm over-worked and underappreciated underpaid and in desperate need of a mental vacation. Since there's no reason you should suffer with me, we're gonna make this reeeeeeeeeeeal easy on everyone...

Before we dive in here I have an announcement to make:
This episode of American Idol shall go down in history as "The Night of the Embarrassing Seacrest" set to the soundtrack of poorly sung Elvis Presley songs. He seriously brought self-shaming to a whole new level this evening.

See the following videos for proof:

Ok, now that I got that out of my system...

Crystal Bowersox sings "Saved" a song I was wholly unfamiliar with until this evening. It's a full-on soul-y gospel belter-outer and well suited for her vocal stylings. It's not my favorite song but she does it justice.
Randy says the performance is "dope", the ladies love it and SURPRISE SURPRISE so does Simon.

Next is AI's newest reject Andrew Garcia with "Hound Dog".
Good god!
WHAT is this mess?
The arrangement is atrocious and the song is almost unrecognizable. The tempo is super-slow and snooze worthy. Nothing special about this at all and if Andrew doesn't get sent home tomorrow then America can add another item to its list of mounting problems.
Randy calls it "not-good karaoke". Ellen successfully beats around the bush and refuses to tell Andrew how it really is further proving how useless she is as a judge. Kara says he used the mic as a crutch and Simon strikes a deafening blow with the quote "all of your coolness has been sucked out of you" only after calling it "lazy" and "unpredictable".

Tim Urban sings "Can't Help Falling In Love" I could take or leave this performance. Mostly leave it. I should just skip over Tim each week because unlike last week's lapse of judgment on my part I am really NOT a fan of this guy.

Can you tell?

You know what my opinion counts for though, dontcha? Not a goddamned thing because Tim is still on the show and the judges LOVED. HIS. PERFORMANCE. Like "got it pregnant in the backseat of a Volvo on prom night" loved it.

Moving on...

Lee DeWyze brings the blues to his sparse rendition of "A Little Less Conversation".
He definitely owns this song. Randy stumbles on his words and calls the performance "very dude" before correcting himself. Ellen said he made it sound current (and I actually agree with her). Kara was pleased but felt he needed to be more "playful". Simon said it was "on the money" and that he went "full-stop".

Aaron Kelly chose to sing "Blue Suede Shoes" even though he described the song as "wrong in every way" for him prior to the performance.

Oooooooookay? Then WHY DID YOU PICK THAT SONG???

He starts singing and I now understand exactly what he meant. I mean it's not the worst thing ever but it's not great.

I am loving his look though.

The judges are mostly positive with their critique except for Simon who commented that the song "aged" him.

Next up is Crazy-Lungs McGee Siobhan Magnus with "Suspicious Minds".
Ok, so I'm not the biggest Elvis fan out there but this is probably my favorite song of his. Too bad Siobhan is kind of weirding me out with her backwards facing stage performance and lower vocal register. Yet again, we see Siobhan sporting an interesting outfit. I call this one "Space Hooker off the set of Dallas" and, unlike her singing, I kind of like it!

She works hard for the money...

Kara is "confused" and doesn't like the two different voices she used during the song. Simon STRONGLY dislikes it and questions her image as an artist. In a moment of weakness I find myself liking Siobhan despite her offensive pipes because she stands up to her detractors quite intelligently:

Even I can't pinpoint who or what I am... I'm not just one kind of a
singer... If I can't label myself I don't find it necessary to be labeled.

Well, you GO girl.

Nothing spells redemption like an Idol contestant who was *this close* to getting booted last week only to come back with a kick ass performance like the one Michael Lynche put on tonight with his version of "In The Ghetto".
He proves his chops go beyond his vocals as he rocks the acoustic guitar along with this soulful song. Because there are just as many contestants performing this week as last the show is a half hour shorter and we, the viewer, shall pay the ultimate price. Well, "we" and Michael Lynche apparently because the judges' comments get cut short due to time contsraints but we get the understanding that there is a unanimous love for both Big Mike and his performance.

Next, Katie Stevens takes the stage with "Baby, What You Want Me To Do".
I don't particularly like this song. I think Katie is very talented and all but might not be quite ready for this show yet. I'm also feeling highly rushed and I'm kind of losing focus so maybe she's great and I'm an asshole for not loving it.
The judges generally like it except Simon who thinks it was a bit "loud" which I am totally on board with.

Then FI-NA-LLY...

Casey James sings "Lawdy Miss Clawdy".
Wow. I am either very tired and totally zoning out or the production team must be feeling the heat from the sponsors because they are rushing the shit out of the end of this show. It's hard to determine when Ryan stops embarrassing himself on stage and Casey starts to sing. Now, I like a nice vibrato as much as the next guy but this is bordering on Billy Goat Gruff territory.
The judges think it was generally "safe" and "disappointing" but nobody seems to worried that he's going anywhere.

Speeeeeeeeeeeeeeaking of which...

Considering no one got a swift kick to the pants last week, that means that two hopefuls get a bus ticket back to nowheres-ville tomorrow.

My picks to go home?
Based solely on the night's performances and not my own personal feelings on the subject (TIM) I would assume we'll be saying "see ya" to Andrew & Casey.


We all know how America loves a "looker", and in that case, swap out Casey for Katie.

Fangirl, out.

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