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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

American Idol Season 9 FINALE Recap!!!

So, this is it, folks...

Our last chance to be the recipients of Simon's awesome wink of creepiness. Lucky for you I got a screen shot of it so we can remember and treasure that face forever:


While Simon gives us what we all want, Kara was busy cultivating the "Roxie Shield" from Mannequin look for tonight's show:


Not sure WHY, but hey, whatever...

Tonight's show has been broken up into 3 parts, with the remaining contestants singing 3 songs a piece. For the first set we have a "Contestant's Choice" which amounts to them selecting a song they've chosen during a previous performance this season.

First up is Lee with "The Boxer" by Sammy & The Funk Simon & Garfunkel (my apologies for lame jokes. i am EXTREMELY punchy this afternoon).
I'm not entirely bowled over by this performance and I'm pretty sure I liked it better when Lee sang it the first time around. The most memorable thing about it for me was the PRICELESS quotes that came from the judges:
Randy - "It's come down to the duel to the finish" Just let that nonsense sink in... Roll it around on your tongue and then PLEASE explain to me what the fuck sense that makes.
Ellen - "I couldn't be prouder if I birthed you myself" Just... NO.
Kara - "I need to see you come over MORE" Ooooooookay...
Simon - "It was a kiss on the cheek when I wanted a kiss on the lips" Alright, that's ENOUGH! Who's in charge of getting these judges laid?

Next, Crystal takes the stage with "Me & Bobby McGee" by Janis Joplin.
Again, I wasn't totally crazy about this. It all seemed kind of forced and I liked it better the first time she sang this song.
Randy thought it was "dope". Ellen remarks that she is "so compelling on stage" and Kara loved it then and loves it now. Simon comments that she was "back on [her] best" and that it was "terrific".

Ummmmmmm, I guess so.

The second set of songs is brought to you by "Simon Fuller's Choice" who wiki tells me is the creator of the show, but to me he'll always be the less recognizable Simon from American Idol:

Suck it, Fuller...
Anyway...

Lee sings "Everybody Hurts" by REM.
The problem with this is I don't really like this song in the first place because I kind of can't stand REM, soooooooooooo, needless to say, I don't really like the performance.
The judges weren't all that crazy about it either.
Randy said it was pitchy at first but "it was a lot better" than the first song. Ellen wasn't completely impressed and Kara mentions it was "emotionally accessible" what-EVER that means...
Simon remarks it was a "brilliant song choice" *cough*kiss ass*cough* but that he thinks Lee seems too nervous.

Crystal sings "Black Velvet" by Alannah Myles.
I completely and totally did not like this AT. ALL. I thought she sounded like a bleating goat and although I tend to like this song in it's original form, I think that's a part of the problem with this version. It's NOT the original and it's one of those songs so over selected in the AI catalogue that I just don't want to hear it ever.
Randy says "Mama-sox is in it to win it!". Ellen calls it "fantastic" and Kara just has me confused with her comment that "Tonight's the night... to kill yourself on stage". Really?! 'Cause that would DEFINITELY make for some interesting programming...
Simon says that she "absolutely nailed it" which has me wondering:

What's the chance that Simon would say just about ANYTHING just to win this competition for Crystal?

For the final selection we have the "Coronation Song" which I'm not entirely sure I know what that even means. I'm also very tired now and kind of don't care what it means. So let's just leave it at that...

he doesn't look ENTIRELY uncomfortable or anything...

Lee sings "Beautiful Day" by U2.
At first, I don't like it but by the introduction of the chorus and added instrumentation it starts to grow on me.
Randy loves it and Ellen mentions that she "was watching your eyes... taking in all these people's energy" Which sounds to me like a TOTAL violation of personal space and freedom but HEY! It's a free country, bitches...
Kara thinks he "got swallowed up in that song" EXCUSE me? but follows that up with "you deserve to be here" Well, gee, THANKS for your seal of approval...
Simon says "I genuinely wish the best for you... You're a great guy" THAT can't be good news...

righbackatcha Sime-y...

Crystal finishes the night with "Up To The Mountain (MLK Song)" by Patti Griffin.
Ok, kids. The honest truth is I didn't really love this. Either I'm running out of steam or this night's performances mostly sucked. It doesn't matter much because this is it and I have no say in who wins this -ish ANYWAY.
As for the judges...
Randy responds that it was "one of [her] greatest performances" while Ellen makes mention that Crystal is incomparable in her style & delivery. Kara tells her she was "completely emotionally invested" and that she "blossomed with that song". Simon calls it the best performance/song of the night and wraps it all up with an "outstanding".

Given all this...
My pick to WIN?

Crystal, even though this article seems to think she doesn't stand a chance.

It's been a helluva ride, kiddos. Thanks for the company!

Until... then! With... who KNOWS!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

American Idol Recap! Top 3 Finalists

It's home stretch time...

We're down to 3 and by tonight's results show America will choose who will represent as the Top 2 contestants for this season.

This time around the contestants were given the opportunity to select one song of their choice in addition to singing a "judges choice".

Now...
If you have ears and saw last night's show there should be no question as to what 2 should move on.
Then again, America has screwed with this show before, sooooooooo...
It's really any one's game.

That being said...

Casey James who, for whatever reason, is STILL in this (if only in presence) chooses "OK, It's Alright With Me" by Eric Hutchinson which prompts me to ask: WHO now?
No matter. This performance is GOD AWFUL. Like really really really not good at all.
Randy says he played it safe & easy. Ellen & Kara give it a "meh" and Simon calls it a "dud song choice" and like "the salad" before the meal.
Imma have to agree on all counts...

Kara & Randy pick "Daughters" by John Mayer for Casey's judges choice.
I cannot STAND John Mayer and the same goes for this song.
I am bored to sleep with this rendition and I especially hate when people try to sing in the "John Mayer-I'm-trying-really-hard-to-be-sexy-with-this-put-on-husky-voice" because lord knows it's bad enough we have him to listen to in the first place.
Just AWFUL.
The judges say it was better than his first performance which is basically like saying that a broken leg is better than a broken arm. It's not. Both options totally suck.
Simon wraps it up by stating that there was no "wow factor".
If that isn't an understatement I don't know what is.

not only is Seacrest about a head shorter than Casey, he's also dwarfed by his mic stand

Crystal Bowersox chooses "Come To My Window" by Melissa Etheridge.
I think this is a great song choice but what the HELL is going on with the vocals? I think she sounds terrible and where Casey sounded a little too much like John Mayer in his last performance, Crystal doesn't sound enough like Melissa.
Randy said it was a bad arrangement but good vocals.
Pffft.
Kara said the vocals were good but not raspy enough. Ellen thinks it was a good song choice and Simon praises her for not having compromised herself as an artist.
Clearly everyone is skirting around the issue. Which is the shite-ness of this performance.
God. Whatever...

nothing says funny like feigned horror

For Crystal's judges choice, Ellen selects "Maybe, I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney.
Holy hell this is an AMAZING song. Paul McCartney is regarded as music royalty for GOOD FUCKING REASON. He is a brilliant singer/songwriter. Considering all this, I don't think Crystal upholds the original awesome of this song in the slightest. I think she sounds strained and far, far away from her comfort zone/vocal range.
The judges are either losing their touch or just don't care anymore because they all basically like this.
Just hand the girl the crown already if you're not going to give honest judgements.
Ya know? Shit...

Before I go any further, I just want to lay it out that, after last night's performances, I have officially flopped from Team Bowersox to Team Lee. He tore that shit up last night and impressed my pants right the fuck off. And that's a huge feat. Let me tell you...

Lee DeWyze picks "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd for his first song of the night.
Holy fuck nuts this was great. Like really amazingly awesome. The original song is stellar but he totally sang it like he wrote it himself. It was an excellent homage yet completely current and original.
Randy says it was a brilliant song choice. Ellen compares Lee to a gazelle or impala and I'm still not sure what she was getting at. Kara boasts that "Round 1 goes to Lee!" and Simon states that his song choice was "absolutely on the money" and "you just crushed the other performances".
I'll say...

For the judges choice, Lee sings "Halleluiah" by Leonard Cohen as selected by Simon.
My initial reaction to this was "ugh, not AGAIN" but once he started singing I was pleasantly surprised by his individualistic take on an oft-covered-by-prospective-Idols song. There is no doubt that within the last week or so Lee has really stepped up his game and he is taking this shit SER-I-OUS-LY.
You go, dude...
Randy calls it "unbelievable". Ellen says it's "stunning". Kara remarks that he "owned the entire night" while Simon shares how "very proud" he is of Lee and his growth since this seasons inception.

Mark my words:
If Casey does NOT go home tonight, Imma have to break out the ol' DeGeneres shank eye on America:


Bowersox vs. DeWyze for the finals.
May Lee DeWyze the best person win...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

American Idol Recap! Top 4 Finalists

Well, here we are...

Just a week away from finding out who will compete as the Final 2 contestants for this year.

I, for one, am relieved. This season has been mostly disappointing and it's high time for the 'ol fangirl to move onto some new territory. Hopefully...

Let's get to this already.

For this week's show the contestants choose hit songs popularized in movies, celeb mentored by Jamie Foxx. I guess it makes sense that AI would choose Jamie Foxx for "movie week" and all but I still have a hard time accepting Jamie Foxx as "musician".

Just me?

Anyway...


Lee DeWyze starts off the night with "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal.
I'm thinking he sounds pretty good though this performance doesn't really hold a candle to last week's Sinatra tribute. Even still, I think Lee has as good a chance as any other contestant (read: Crystal Bowersox) of winning this thing.
It's the battle of the sexes at the judges table; the women generally like the performance, while the guys generally... don't. The consensus seems to be: good but too much of a sound-a-like.


Michael Lynche sings "Will You Be There" by Michael Jackson.
I kind of feel like I'm in church with the presence of the choir in the background. Since church makes me highly uncomfortable I can't say I'm all that into this. I do like Big Mike, so I'm hoping this strange choice of arrangement doesn't send him home before Casey.
Randy said it was "just alright". In a possible first time ever event, Ellen donned her serious judging cap when she called the performance "predictable". Kara said she wasn't moved and that he played it safe. She also confused me and likely the rest of the viewing world with this comment:
Tonight I want goosebumps! I can't have them but Ellen can...
Ooooooooookay...
Apparently she was referring to her wearing long-sleeves and Ellen wearing short sleeves.
Riiiiiiiiiiight.
Also?
Kara is dressed like a paralegal this evening. Just sayin'...


Simon has the kindest words, telling Big Mike at least he "gave it 100%" and sang it "like he meant it".

Keeping things fresh, AI mixes it up with a Crystal & Lee duet to "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova or, as I like to call them: Glen & Marky.
What?!
I think this original song is BEAUTIFUL. So beautiful in fact that something just feels wrong when I hear other vocalists covering it. I'm not saying this performance was bad, per say. It's just that I would rather listen to the original any day with its piano accompaniment and sweet female vocals as opposed to this weird in your face guitar jam-fest these two were putting on:

I call this one "Face-to-Face Jam"

Save for busting a nut all over the stage, the judges spare nothing in their praise for this performance:
Randy - "Amazing. Could be a hit right now."
Ellen - "God, that was great"
Kara - "One of my favorite moments of the entire season"
Simon - "I don't know if it was a good song. I would call it a fantastic song"


Next we have Casey James with "Mrs. Robinson" by Simon & Garfunkel.
Here is the ONLY thing I wrote about this performance:
Sounds like a ukulele
It wasn't a uke but some sort of tiny guitar. I'm gonna save us all a lot of time here.
I wasn't into this.
I think Casey should/will go home next.
The end.


Crystal Bowersox raises a few eyebrows with her choice of movie music, "Alright" by Kenny Loggins from Caddyshack.
I must say she does make this song better than the cheesy original, even still, it's not saying much. What were these contestants thinking this week? The most interesting part of Crystal being on stage was the revelation that the creeper in the Bowersox shirt from 2 weeks ago is Crystal's boyfriend. Who can't dance. Or dress himself:


Randy says she  is "definitely an artist". Ellen called the performance "Crystalized" (what-ever). Kara said she "took the song and made it better" while Simon states "You, Crystal, are back in the game".

For the final snooze song of the night, we have Casey & Big Mike singing "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?" by Bryan Adams.
I hated this. Perhaps I was legitimately tired but I couldn't stop yawning throughout.
The judges were pleased and made the point of saying that "the duets were better than the solo performances" this evening. Well that... kind of sucks. Right?


My pick to go home:
No surprise here - Casey

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Apparently Google hates me and wants me to be broke and friendless and if that wasn't bad enough they probably killed your cat that time...


Alright, Google. What gives?

For whatever reason Blogger refuses to approve my AdSense account within a reasonable amount of time. I've had this blog for a little over a month now and I'm STILL "pending approval".

Why?

I've done countless searches on the web to try and determine the root of the problem but with little success. Mostly I read posts people have put up saying "I can't imagine why. My account was approved in 6 minutes!"

Well, you know what asshole?

THAT doesn't help ME!

Other people suggest it could have something to do with copyright infringement or instances of profanity on your page that might be causing a hold up in the approval process.

So your telling me that I can't say "asshole" like I did just 2 sentences above? What about fuck-sucking dickloving cockfart? Does Google have a problem with me posting pictures of a poorly photo shopped Andy Garcia face on the body of a tranny?

In that case, then I guess we DO have a problem.

Look, Google...
I'm really not trying to start trouble here. I really only curse when necessary and tranny Andy Garcia is beloved by MANY, so let's not PUNISH people here...

I just do not understand why you can't seem to approve my AdSense account in a timely manner.
I will admit that I started this blog with the purpose of (potentially) generating some revenue via blogging especially since the site that hosts my primary blog is completely ad-free (thanks, Word Press!)

I'm not trying to dupe anyone or obtain funding through illegal or fraudulent means. I know this site has a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way to go before it becomes one of Blogger's more illustrious pages but it doesn't give me much incentive to slave away on this page anymore when I feel like I'm being purposely ignored by my host.

Capice?

Ok, so I DO have another issue as well:

Can someone please explain to me what the point of Google Friend Connect is aside from overtly showing to readers the popularity (or lack thereof) of the person or persons who write for said site?

I'm not saying any of this to publicly dis the 2 followers I have as of this moment.
'sup my bitches?
It's just that I've been to numerous Blogger sites and clicked the "follow" button and subsequently "followed" that persons blog and my little icon/avatar thingy shows up and it becomes a new badge of honor for the web site's owner and I'm ALL. FOR. THAT.

I guess what I'm saying is: what other than that function is Google Friend Connect good for?

It's not like when you "follow" a blog that way that it immediately adds that site to your reader or whatever. Or does it?
I've never had it work, am I missing something?
Seriously?

It's infuriating. I've "followed" countless blogs on Blogger by clicking the little follow button only NEVER TO SEE THAT SITE AGAIN because how do I get back there now?
Can someone tell me?

I've never found a log of all the sites I've followed this way by means of Google Friend Connect which leads me to believe that clicking the "follow" button on a site that you enjoy reading is utterly pointless and just some sort of demented Internet popularity contest.

And frankly? That just sucks.

UPDATE:

I totally went through the trouble of writing this post only to realize that my AdSense account had, in fact, been activated. I decided that since I spent SOME energy writing this I'm not just going to trash it. Instead this will probably piss-off Google just enough to revoke my privileges for ad-hosting.

I'd totally deserve it too.

I still don't get Friend Connect...

Does anyone?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

American Idol Recap! Top 5 Finalists

We're getting close to the end, friends.

I really couldn’t be happier. Especially after sitting through the majority of last night's performances.

GAH!
To the power of 10...

This week the contestants sing some of the best of Frank Sinatra or, as I like to call him, Frankie Sins (because, yes, I'm cool like that).

When it was mentioned that Harry Connick, Jr. was this week's celebrity mentor this image immediately sprang to my mind:



which is the picture that pops into my head any and every time HCJ's name is mentioned. He might not really be the psychopathic serial-killer he played in Copycat but as long as I live I will never be able to separate the two.

But hey, let's get to this already…



Aaron Kelly is up first with "Fly Me To the Moon".
The words that initially jump out at me when describing this performance are: weak, forced, strained & mousy. However, I will say that Aaron looks as cute as a 5 button vest:


So that's a good thing.

His physical appearance has seemingly trans-morphed once again and most of his resemblance to K.D. Lang has dissipated leaving Aaron as a cross between Christian Bale and Johnny Weir:


Randy was "worried" but thinks he did a "really good job". Ellen likes it though Kara doesn't think he sang as well as last week. Simon has infiltrated my brain waves once again because his reaction is: "If Frank [Sinatra] was a lion, then you are a mouse".
Harsh, but true.

Casey James sings "Blue Skies".
Before I start with having nothing good to say about this performance let me just say how much I dislike the "man-bun". When a male decides to try different styles with his hair, I'm all for it. I just feel the powers that be should save one from the embarrassment of sporting this look:


and just cause the perpetrator to spontaneously burst into flames instead.

As for his singing?
I hate it.
He's got some awful warble in his voice that, were I epileptic, I fear I would be sent into an immediate fit from subjecting my ears to his brand of barnyard vocalization.

Randy calls it his worst performance and Ellen agrees. Kara compares him to a "lamb" and tells him to work on his vibrato. Simon tries to be nice but instead tells Casey he seemed both "embarrassed & awkward" on stage.
In a final boot heel to the groin, Simon says that "at least you know you'll have a gig next week" in reference to Casey boasting about a phone call from a friend who offered him a gig this week, not knowing he was a contestant on Idol.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the irony…



Next up in the butchering of Ol' Blue Eyes is Crystal Bowersox with "Summer Wind".


Ok.This is not good.
It's far from the most offensive thing I've heard this evening (for that, see: Casey James) but it's not what is typically expected when Bowersox takes the stage. In a strange way it's fairly refreshing to see her not completely excel at something.

Randy calls it a "subdued performance" and "sleepy". Ellen has me stumped with her comment that at first Crystal was "swallowing every word" and then follows that up with saying it got better toward the end and that she "has so many different sides". Sorry, Ellen, but neither you nor I have any clue what you're talking about. Kara mentioned that her phrasing was good and Simon called it "indulgent" and this makes for the 2nd week in a row of "OK" performances.

Shit, Bowersox. The pressure? She is ON.

Michael Lynche shows the rest of these jokers how it's done with "The Way You Look Tonight".
Boy is smoooooooooooooooooooooooth with the vocals and he's even got the Rat Pack look going.


I am lo-VING his decision to include horns in the arrangement, keeping it true to the original yet remaining characteristically "Big Mike".

Randy praises him on an "unbelievable arrangement" and that he's "in it to win it". Ellen calls it "very smooth". Kara thinks he "took us on a journey" and Simon felt that "it all clicked" and called it "fantastic".

The last performer of the evening is Lee DeWyze singing "That's Life".
I know I haven't been the biggest Lee fan this season. I think my issue is that he seems packaged as an elfin David Cooke and I think having one of them is enough. That being said, I thought he k.i.l.l.e.d. with this song.

When he sang the line "I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king" boy sounded a whole HELLUVA lot like The Chairman of the Board.

So, color me impressed.


Randy "loved it" and told him he stayed true to himself. Ellen said if this had been the final performance of the contest he would have won. Kara tells Lee that he needs to believe in himself because he "could win this thing". Simon praises him for giving 110% and states the obvious by calling it the best performance of the night.

My pick to go home: Casey